Sunday, April 4, 2010

Today is a beautiful day!!!

Today has been a beautiful day for me because the weather
was so pretty, sunny, light breeze, spring in the air and every
where all is alive with buds, blooming flowers, plants and trees.
Green grasses looking like a beautiful thick lush green carpet
everywhere you see. So many flowers coming to life in a rainbow
of beautiful colors and the trees are blooming and some have
already leaved out in the many different colors of greens.
"God's work is so easy to see and to feel, God's work is so
beautiful and little things remind me of how "wondrously
awesome" he is!" I need to see and feel that when things are
so hard to deal with and I thank you Lord for letting me see
and to feel it. I also thank you Lord for being with me in this
very trying time I'm going through and for giving me the
strength that I need and for your help to keep me from breaking,
I know I'm strong Lord but I feel my strength waning.

My mother isn't and will not get any better and the last
several weeks have been very hard on her and so hard
on my dad and myself. I have finally gotten through with
court and have received full guardian- ship over my
mother. A friend of mine said something to me a couple
days ago and shockingly no truer words were ever spoken
when she said, "Well so your a first time mother...again"
I had not thought of it like that with the full effect of those
words when she said that! The sound of those words hit
me like a ton of bricks, it is hard to explain how I felt and
the feelings that started to well up inside of me.
My dad is also having more and more problems with his

mind forgetting more or just not remembering or can't
think straight and gets confused more. He is having more
health problems and now has a hernia in one side of the
incision from surgery he had back in Sept. and I found a
knot in one side of his stomach yesterday when I was giving
him a shot. It isn't a big knot, about the size of a marble and
I am trying not to get / be scared or show him any fear
and it is hard on top of everything else that is going on. The
surgery he had in Sept. was his left kidney being removed
because of a huge tumor in it and at the same time his spleen
was ruptured and had to be removed also. Now the knot is
on the same side and the hernia is growing too. And he is
stressing big time about my mother and I can't make it any
better no matter how hard I try!

Although I do know in my mind/brain that I can not make
it better, in my heart I should be able to make it better some
how, some way...this is how I feel. (This is part of life and I
guess getting older!)

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